Last two days lot happened. First there was the pageant contest going on Saturday. Then there was a fight about bank and then finally she burst out with accusations towards me. But let’s work it step by step.

She went to the contest alone, my “Maybe”, clearly became a no. I didn’t want to join the miserable spectacle. Seeing her focused on pageant last days was too much for me. House full of items, gadgets, fabrics and mess. She was sitting on the floor gluing some costume, God knows for what reason. Completely not my thing. And now to go there and see all the drunk people looking at her ass, no, save it from me. I stayed home, despite her asking me. Knowing what is going on, wiser today I would be the first one there with her, but not on November 8th, nor 15th and 22nd. Yeah, somehow when she came back from the venue, once again at 3am, the following morning I couldn’t see any prize on the table, nor happiness in her face. I asked, who wan, and she said that this has been the first contest of twelve. WTF? TWELVE? How in earth are you going to join the contest, week by week until end of January? She said the organizer didn’t tell her that before, but now as she attended the first one, she will continue. I was surprised and in my disbelieve. How will I live with a woman that is going to flash her ass for next three months, week after week. How will our relation look, when all her days will be devoted for the contest? This was heavy.

In the heat of the day, just before weekend, the deadline from bank, she did not send signed agreement to the bank. I reminded her about it midday, and by closing time, I called her again to assure she did sent all the required documents to the bank. After all, we stroke pretty good deal with them. I didn’t want now to screw it. She said, she forgot. I got mad, so mad. The only thing she had to do today was to send the papers to bank, but focused on her damn pageant she was neglecting important things. We had a big fight over the phone and maybe that’s one of the reasons, I did not join the contest. Fuck her. I was angry and I said few bad words to her.

In return she said few of those as well and the things became bad, really bad. On the other hand Giuseppe was hiding nearby. Her behavior was a direct reaction of him being supportive, or rather trying to show support. Don’t be lured, psychopaths, don’t have feelings and only thing he was looking to is to get her back. A shark wanting to have his bite. And the bite was very tasty. After writing the posts of October, Cherie admitted that she already at that time started to cheat on me. There were situations, when I went for my early flight, she sneaked out of the house and went to him. When she said, she was in gym, sure she was, but in a different kind of exercises. All this behind my back, without my knowledge. She learned how to lie, and how to improve her lies. Taking pictures with friends at dinner and places, to send them later to me as an excuse “See, here I’m with, Jenny, Thelma, Shannon” or God knows who else. She was really good in developing sophisticated methods of twisting the true. And I was buying it. I remember I once named Giuseppe and referred to his silence and complete absence from our lives. She commented it nicely “Why do you have to name him, he is a history”. The hell he is.

As November continues and soon I have to go to my homeland, I was worried what will happen when I’m away for a week. The last two days were a disaster. We started to question ourselves in terms of relation and what we really want. After she pissed me off I was kind of withdrawn, but Cherie felt me being cold. I was not, but I was somehow tired. I came few times with a call thrown up in the air “Cherie, we need to get back this relation on track!”. She was in her own world now, focused on pageant and another weekend of the contesting. I accepted her behavior, understanding her involvement in the preparations, but with time we diverted from each other.

As usually she drove me to airport and then I went for my long flight cross the dessert, into the green land. I cached some sleep, was thinking a lot of the relation and how it gonna develop. Still unaware of Giuseppe’s being close to her I was thinking that the time I’m away, she will use for re-thinking things and get back on track to save the relation or rather to push it further into the good. What I did not know, is that she used that time to deepen the relation with Giuseppe and plan an exit point. She tried to twist things and me to believe that I was the bad guy, not kissing her and being distant. She looked into every aspect of the missing items in our relation by me being the guilty one. At some point I started to feel bad and I looked into the mirror few times by then. I couldn’t find the bad guy in the reflection. Her mental state was so disturbed by that time, and decisions taken so irrational. I could not do anything about it, at the time I landed back in my country side.

Additionally, she once again questioned my relation with Banana, as she was worried that I will visit her and the relation with Banana will bloom again. I did not have the feelings for Banana, and frankly said I felt bad that I have to see her and spend time with Banana. On the other hand, Banana was somehow hopping for the relation, but I was really cold with her and did not communicate beyond the minimum. I don’t know what was in her head. I avoided the topics and frankly said until today I did not have a conversation with Banana about how things were that time. Not that I needed it, and probably she was to proud and sorrow to talk about. What I knew, that each time Banana send a message Cherie was not comfortable with it. Cherie couldn’t accept that fact that we exchanged messages, even if they were courtesy and sometimes she send some scans of documents which arrived with post to my old place.

During the week I stayed back home, not much happened. Not from my side and not from her side, at least the official way. I was on some training and have to spend time in the main office during an audit. I visited my daughter and we had two cool days walking around the city and we did some shopping. Even Cherie wanted to get some stuff, so we bought it.

As with each audit, there is lot of stress involved. You want to present the documentation flawlessly and you don’t want to have findings. My team spend two days making the final touches and then we faced the auditors. As they represented authority, there were no jokes, no discussion, neither brief explanations. The documents shall bear the answers and somehow, we did the job, but got few remarks. As usually we did not agree to all of them, but the viewpoint depends on the position, and authorities are very difficult to argue with. All this made me more focused on the job then Cherie. I believe she understood, but our conversations during those days became sparse. She was doing her own things, I was involved in the audit and training. The 15^th November passed, and in the heat of the day, I forgot about our 3^rd month passed today. She remained me late evening and I was ashamed. Some things you shall never forget. I did.

Of course, she was nasty with her comments “How is YOUR Banana?”, although she very well known that I tried to avoid her as much I could. She was pissed of me, because I was on the phone call with Cherie and when I arrived, back home I told her I have to quit, as I reached home. That was pretty stupid of me, as I could talk with her for another hour, independently of being driving or at home. At that particular moment I was more into thinking what will Banana say seeing me talking, then what Cherie will think, when I quit our conversation.

I always believed that Cherie is more mature and have a distance to herself and live and she would understand my position. From the day I told her about Banana, my main intention was to protect Cherie from gossips and somebody telling her incidentally about Banana. I believed that she will absorb it and take that as a good gesture from my side to tell her the true. Obviously, as I already admitted, I made a mistake there, but still I was very true and had nothing to hide. My intentions for Cherie were very pure and no agenda hidden. On the other hand, her earlier experience with not always faithful men put her guard up, being very sensitive to other women surrounding the men. She did not feel comfortable with it and even scary. When she wrote a comment to “My second mistake”, she was crying and was very sad she must to relight the memories from the dark days. I understood and ask her to stop commenting if she did not want to. Anyway, back in November I did not understand her worries and was confused about her way to pinch me each time I went back home.

At the end of my visit back home, we started to plan the Christmas time. I know Cherie wanted to visit home and her daughter and family. We discussed some options and agreed that she will fly back on December 12^th and be back right after Christmas. She was happy that she would be able to go then. We would not spend the Christmas together, as I wanted to be with my daughter and rest from work as well. I did not plan to go with Cherie either. Anyway, I got her tickets and the plans were set. As she did not work presently, she was asking about sending some support back home, as even her present/ex-husband was not able to manage some money transfers to his daughter.

Following day, I went to the airport for my return journey, back to dessert. While in transit I send a short “Hello” at 11am, while she replied with “Good Morning” at 2pm. We had a conversation and once again it ended with a fight. She been buys, not talkative nor interested. Word to word, I got pissed off and she quit saying “Whatever”. In the last sentence I said, “Don’t pick me up from airport”. She arrived, while I was already on the way home with my friend Peter. At home I found some items packed in the boxes, so I questioned her if she was to move out. Don’t even remember what she replied. She arrived later from the airport and said she will sacrifice the dance lessons today, but the tension was in the air.

Today my daughter had a birthday. Cherie sent me reminder early in the morning, but I said I will call her later as she had a party long night yesterday, so she probably slept. Once again in the heat of the day I forgot to call her. I talked to her the other evening, so I felt justified and she never touched the subject, so I was happy that it went unseen, or she just been diplomatic not saying anything. Anyway, if she reads it, I will try not to miss her another birthday.

The days before that Sunday, where cold, both in terms of weather and the internal climate. She was preparing new dress every week and was talking with other attendants. It was nice to see her in the preparations, as she was really into it. One day she created a kind of military outfit, the other day a colorful dress with flowers. I was admiring it, but it ended there. I wouldn’t join the show anyhow. I expected that the pageant thing go over and we get back to our normal life. We were able to fix the big issues of her and why wouldn’t we be able to fix the future? Our sex life degraded a bit, I didn’t feel the interest and she was not pushing. I was too tired and had no mood. After all, sex, spirit and mental state is connected and when some of the items were missing, I was not able to have a good sex life. Cherie was always hot and it took just few seconds to her into sex drive, but by that time she was talking about it, but did not push it.

What I did not know by then, is Giuseppe’s support of her. As he approached her earlier, he followed that direction. I didn’t ask myself, how I she managing the pageant expenses. Obviously, Giuseppe was sponsoring her in terms of financial support for the contest and her purchase for the costumes, fabrics and gadgets needed to make up the dresses. She had skill, as her mother was a professional dressmaker, Cherie had the gift of being creative as well. Her frustration raised and she became irritated. Still it was me, who was the bad, cold guy according to her imagination of that time. Busy with daily life, I did not see all this. I did not see her being divided, nor him being around.

Still being few days from total fuck-up, the process of departure or rather demotion of the relation started and the master plan of her and Giuseppe was rolling towards destiny.

At 3:31am she dropped a long message, blaming me once again for being cold. Sure, maybe I was, as this was my protest against her behavior and her mental separation from me. After all, she was the one not having time with me, running away and flattening our relation to a French pancake thickness. Knowing now what happened few days later, I stand still in my opinion that I was right and she was looking for an exit by that time. How could I be warm, when she was distant as well and cold as me. She didn’t see it. She changed, very much and her mind was split.

We were in constant misalignment, permanent disagreement which led to verbal fight. I wanted my old good Cherie back, but she was immune to my calls. I was traveling by that time, as end of year approached and the time was there to catch up in the work. She was at home looking for next pageant. She felt dormant and she stroke it few times. She didn’t want to be a house wife, but on the other hand the plan we looked into, in the early days was not even touched by her. We planned at some point that she will develop the skills in the makeup and creativity business. She had an ambitious plan to visit most of the saloons and places related to that business and try to get position as an supporting freelancer. It could be of interest especially for ad-hoc events and at special occasion when the workforce was needed. She supposed to get the business cards and work on her facebook page, maybe even get an own domain and small website. Two months past and she did nothing of this, but she was good at blaming me for all the evil. Suddenly from being supportive and taking her out from the deep shit of her live, by solving her issues, she seen me as the bad guy. The change was gradual, but constant. Each day she pushed me each day the ration faded, despite my calls. She even tried to tell me that. I’m the one not taking initiative to have a conversation. Sure, this was very convenient, and she believed in it. She even started to question the Apple Theory and stated it’s not longer balanced. I don’t know how she got to that conclusion, but at that time every scenario was possible. She was looking for excuses, but I was to pure in my naïve way of trust to give her any reason to walk away.

For sure Giuseppe was pushing her, or maybe the other way. Maybe she was creating all the pictures of her and her new family with Giuseppe. Maybe he just followed her way, or rather enjoyed the free ride, awaiting the outcome. She was still living with me, visiting him at nights and days when I was traveling. For a guy like Giuseppe, almost idealistic situation, having a nice Chica coming and going, making his dick and ago happy. Why, not? Who wouldn’t like it?

We went to the pool on the roof of the apartment building. Weather was still nice and water in jacuzzi hot as always. I was into my iPad and she was chilling out. Each of us occupied with own thoughts and own agenda. Me reading the emails, she with her head up in the clouds, probably thinking about another outfit for the coming week or maybe about Giuseppe, God knows. We have been like two individuals joining one space. The conversation was not existents and the feelings obsolete.

Later that afternoon we got to know that a body of young pregnant Thai girl was found just near by our place. Obviously she was resting in a dumpster for few days, but the newspaper described her as prostitute, which we got confirmed later by a Thai girlfriend of our friend. She said, that probably she was killed, caused she became pregnant with some customer and the that would not be the good news for his wife. I didn’t follow up the case, as a news is just a news and later you seldom get to know what really happened. Anyway, welcome to SinCity – things like that happen, but seldom get clarified.

Next day I was away and I know that she is going for rehearsals that evening. So, nobody to pick me up from the airport that night. A pretty sad experience, as some priorities are taking over. She is now fully with her head into pageant and me been sliding down the scale of her priorities. Once again, she came back late, not sure if directly after the rehearsals or from Giuseppe’s bad. I still was totally unaware of Giuseppe’s presence and still blame all what happened only on our temporary crisis.

Cherie was sad as well, at least she showed it that way, saying I was not supportive and didn’t want to join her contesting events. We already talked about it earlier, but each time as she touched the subject I became more immune and I started to hate the idea of her pageant contest. I’m like that. As more people try to convince me to an idea, the less I like it and the harder I’m to convince. I’m kind of a guy that needs to get a hint and then work out an own viewpoint and if I wasn’t to enjoy something I will do it my own way and in my own tempo. So, the approach she took, did not work with me, if she was more like humble and softly pushed into it, I would kick in, but not by throwing up, lack of support all the time.

November ended today and we approached new month. The month of huge changes to occur in just few days. A remembered December 2019.

Still nice weather around, not to windy, but evenings started to be cold. Same in our relation. Fight after fight and no prediction for better. After another argument I started to see the exit path Cherie created. Maybe I had time to review all of this, maybe I waken up and started to see things. She was talking about changing the dates of travel back home, but somehow the ticket couldn’t be altered due to flight tariff. So despite her request to fly earlier and came back later, I couldn’t do much.

My considerations started to rise up, by reading the history of our text exchange and analyzing her behavior. All begun to show a clear picture of Cherie wanting to walk out from the relation. I have seen clearly, that since some time she started to create obstacles, had lot of vague arguments towards me, like being cold, not hugging her, not talking to her, not being supportive. All the small issues she spinned up and she tried to feed me back with it, but magnified to extensive level. There were those arguments, but none of them actually made me the bad guy, I was faithful, I worked her issues, I supported her living and tried to create a family and harmony under one roof. All in vain, as she actually was looking for an exit. She admitted it some time later, but at that point my intuition started to build the picture.

I told her “Cherie, I feel being used”. She got mad. Really mad. Not sure, if for the reason I detected the truth or she was mad cause she didn’t fill to be using me. I gently explained her, how do I see the facts and how all builds a picture of her trying to exit the relation for unknown reason. Remember, still not aware of Giuseppe being around. She said, that saying, that she is using me is a big word and she under no circumstances wanted to use me. I said, that somehow after I paid her loan, she started to lose interest with me. Straight after that weekend, when I allegedly became cold and pissed of her she begun to be cold as well. She started to show more interest for the contest, then me. She said, it’s not true and she would never, ever use me as this is not part of her culture and she still loves me and she would not be able to take advantage over me. I wasn’t sure, but the feeling was there and facts talked for themselves. Vast part of November she was cooling our relation and I have seen her to be unhappy or rather eager to change her life, meaning exiting the present one.

She was chewing on it, she was. She shaked her head and few times, how could I accuse her of taking advantage of me. I had doubt’s, but what’s said it said. You cannot unsay it. Later that afternoon we went to see an office we were looking for to move in from January. The place was nice and I took a picture of Cherie seating at the windows facing the bay. A lone girl at the windows. I sent her the picture.

Cherie was focused on the pageant and on conversation with some other girls, but somehow her preparations stopped. I asked, and she hesitate. Eventually she admitted that she has been banned or rather disqualified from the contest, as she went into argument of convince the other participants from not contesting during the coming weeks. She used arguments, as the contest is going week after week for 3 months is too much and maybe the organizer would reschedule some events, especially for the incoming Christmas travel period. Some of the competitors overheard this and whist blow it to the organizer. Four girls got the kick, among them Cherie. She then went into some nasty conversation with one of the organizers and rest of the story you can imagine. I was surprised, but on the other hand that could be an opportunity for us recover and rebuild the last weeks of tensions.

She tried to complain, and use some common sense in explaining herself, but they did not listen to her. As I still was fighting for the relation, I missed a very clear statement from her saying “There is a sponsor for this pageant. The money i spent for this event is not coming from you”. Still in my stupidity and my trust for her, despite the clear signals, I did not suspect her conspiracy plan with Giuseppe. I believed that the real sponsors of that competition are putting money for the contestants, but I. did not know that one of them was Giuseppe. He took care of all the issues related to her participation, but he was not able to unfuck the mess she created with sabotaging the contest. So she was out of it and the only way to her to participate was to watch the other girls from the side bench.

The tension was too high, she got irritated with every single thing. Our text exchange went down to zero and we just bypass each other. Cherie was in another world and me hopeless, unable to fix her. As I could repair and sail always home from the rough waters, this time I could not. She send me a post send by some other girl, about the never happen marriage and I started to understand, that we are going nowhere. I had difficulties to absorb it. It was heavy, as I have seen the end of the path, lam, unable to do anything. Things gonna explode any minute. She was fading away, and once again I had to travel.