Good Afternoon, I’m really sorry for happened. I know you wont forgive me now, but I believe you have a good heart, you might not forgive me now but I hope in the future you will. I’d loved you, but things fall apart and I realized we are two different person.

I have emotional needs that somehow wasn’t met. And a secured feeling that I am the only one, and not sharing with anyone. The impact of not getting rid of her played a lot of thoughts in my head..what I see was you want me to accept the situation that she’s there, than I’m here…I started to feel unhappy about it, and I can no longer pretend.

I didn’t blame you for not having an interest with my pageant, but the shark were just around, if you somehow showed your support with me, the shark couldn’t get near. And then there I found that the shark was being supportive and showed care.

1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th Friday of pageant, I never failed to invite you to come with me.

I somehow need you to protect me, but you’re not interested in it. The lack of support from you, and protection is The reason the shark managed to get in into my head. And then there feelings fall apart.

I didn’t mean to hurt you, the shark is not bad as I thought, the shark that once you stabbed from death by taken me from him, was just there, waiting to heal and come back when the time is right.

Sorry for being weak, and I let the shark took me again.

He had me first, and you somehow invade his home took his queen by the thought that helping her with problems and manipulating her mind that with you is FREEDOM, and him is cage. Unfortunately, its the opposite of what the situation of today.

Again, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.

The shark just taken what was his from the beginning. He was wounded, but come back strong and his love becomes more open, understanding and patience.

Grey, I didn’t want you to feel being used…I had loved you… we were once happy, never of those love making was fake, it was intense and with pure feelings.

I don’t want to carry any guilt inside me, with you having the thought of being used when its not.

I never used you, It was just Love was not strong enough as it was, when the support and care was no longer felt by me.

Please allow us to return your money back. So all of us can move forward and move on with new life.

God bless You

Cherie

I woke up with huge hangover. Me and Peter were drinking till early hours, having some memories of the good times with Cherie. He knew her as well, as we have been together in the SinCity pretty much from the same time. Technically I’m his supervisor and Initially the relation was more like boss/employee, but with time passed we got more social and started to build friendship on top of business relation. I don’t know what kind of boss I’m in his eyes, but he at few occasions compared me to a mix of Richard Branson/Steve Jobs, for my informal way of dressing and light lifestyle connected to beauty and caring for details. Maybe not in the pedantic way, but definitely in geometrical space and order.

Anyway, he was a good friend and at the beginning Cherie called him “assistant”. Later, especially after the accident, she found his good abilities to negotiate, get involved and simply being helpful. Contrary to myself, being less social with people and very, very peculiar in selecting so called friends. Probably until today I can really trust maybe 2-3 people on the Earth, making my life miserable, as the amount of data my brain process in terms of not only analyzing the topic itself, but also by detecting the agenda of people around. Through the years in the business I learned that people are very reluctant to confabulation and telling other people what they want to hear rather than bare facts. We all try to hide our incompetence and improperness rather then bend our head and simply admit Mea Culpa. After so many years I still have doubts, if I’m able to make right choices in selecting employees to my team or in general in judging the people. On the other hand I have to admit, I had luck in selecting my life partners, where the relations were pretty long and fruitful. I do not regret any of those and I consider myself pretty lucky.

I told Peter about all this and probably more, which I’m not sure I do remember today. I was confused how all this could happen where Cherie was misleading me and simply deceived me. How was I so naïve and so blind not to see her coming exile? How was this possible, that with all the goodness from my side she chooses Giuseppe? What did he offer to her? I didn’t know. It was a shock. She was co calm and controlled herself in the end, like a plastic surgeon in front of the task to re-make a face of a celebrity. Despite her unhappiness, I didn’t see any other signals to so abrupt departure.

After the explanations she wrote, I was more then devastated. This was very genuine letter and explanation. So true. She started to use “US” referring to her and Giuseppe. It seems he did his job in gathering himself and he scored full, getting back Cherie. As long she was resisting him, by not moving in, I DID deliver her to him. She entrusted him and he was the lucky one now. By kicking her out of the apartment I put a spark into their relation, a start point. I was crying all weekend, fucked up few things in the office, but I was lam and unable to rise. Peter took me to our night club to meet some Thai girls, but the only thing I could think about is Cherie and none around was even close to her personality and beauty. I could throw up on all the Thai hookers, not mention a fuck which was at the end of my desires those days.

I read her letter few times, I even sent it to my daughter explaining all the situation asking her how genuine is it? She admitted that it looks fine and as much she knows Cherie and me, Cherie’s objections towards me could be true. My daughter pointed my earlier mistakes even with her mother and later, so it seems I did not change at all and still didn’t learn the lessons from previous relations. I put a note in my head, that I need to have a serious father-daughter conversation at some point. Actually, we had one later in December. So, to speak I started to draw a replay. I took me few hours to conclude.

This afternoon we exchanged few long messages. I tried to understand her, but my brain was not absorbing anything else. I got even more confused, after the replay for my long message I wrote last afternoon. In a calm way I explained myself and all my rational and probably irrational actions behind. I produced really beautiful, genuine and “true, only true, nothing but the true” piece of paper and sent it to her. She replied some time after with another long letter. I sent it my daughter once again, as it sounds completely different then the first one. Like two different people were writing it. As one came from Dr. Jekyll and the other from Mr. Hyde. There was nothing consistent between both of them, except they were referring to the same relation and break up. My daughter was also confused and suggested one of them was written under influence of Giuseppe, while the other was true. We concluded the later one has to be true as the first one referred to “US”, meaning she and him was composing it. Few weeks later I learned the opposite.

I replied with “Cherie, I can only ask you to return and take lesson of this. How fucked up it looks, obviously you and me have feelings. I have seen all the mistakes and i believe you did too. I’m bending my head and ask you for be with me and I will protect this relation until the end of my life.” I was now returning to the events of the night of 5/6 December that leaded to her departure. I have to admit that I made a mistake and was too quick with my actions. Remember, as soon she named Giuseppe’s name, I stared to pack her and she didn’t say a word since that until she was out of the door. Stupid me. What if it’s true? What if she really wanted to beg and ask for forgiveness? What if I was too hasty and instead of giving her time to talk and explain, I just kicked her out? All sort of questions started to build up in my head. After a while it get into my head, that I made a mistake by letting her go, instead of having patience. My intuition deceived me and that made me sad.

We got involved in further text exchange and she said, she was kicked out and didn’t know what to do with herself. If all she says is true, why she chooses to drive to Giuseppe, instead of staying somewhere else? Going to hotel, a friend or even stay in car few hours and rethink? Instead she drives away to Giuseppe direct, like previously she called him directly after accident back in October. Her explanations rise a hope within me, but how genuine are her explanations? How many times earlier she twisted things? I went to sleep and tried to understand what all this is about.