My first mistake
Shortly after 8pm I arrived to the place and found her at the upper floor of the coffee shop. She was in really bad shape, dressed in a dress, but somehow tired and scarred. Really scarred. Definitely it wasn’t same Cherie I seen last time on 28th of August in the shopping mall. We ordered some green tea and she started to tell me the story of the last few days. In addition to information I got over the phone two days ago she told me details about the rock and roll Giuseppe created for her. She told me that Giuseppe had feeling that Cherie is dating somebody beside him. She became emotionally disconnected with him, but still did not break up. She told him little bit about our relation during the time he was in Italy. He even insisted to visit a club where I took her the other day to listen for live music. He wanted to meet me there, but we just visited that place once or twice. I asked what is she going to do now? She said she need some time to think things over, maybe a week or more until he gets on his feet after heeling the broken leg.
As time was clicking and my date time was approaching, I started to rush and said I have to run. Unexpectedly she offered me a drive to meeting place. She was not aware about me going for a date, but as we approached her car I told her, that I actually going to a date with another girl. I said that she must be aware of it as it’s very inconvenient situation for me being dropped to a date by another ex-girlfriend. I didn’t feel comfortable with it. We had some further chat during the drive and we agreed that I’m going just go for the date briefly and return ASAP in order to meet her again later that night. When we arrived to the place I went of the car waving to her for goodbye. I still have the picture in my head. A blue car standing at the curb at small street and not moving away for some time. 30 seconds maybe one minute she was still there looking after me with sad face. I looked back and by that time I didn’t realize it. I was focused on the date, but she was there waiting for me to get back to the car. This was my FIRST mistake I made from day we met back in August. Sadly I realized it just a half an hour later when she text me a selfie with her crying face. I realized that I was pretty stupid to put her in the situation of dropping a guy for a date, the same guy she went to meet just few hours earlier. I realized that that day she actually opened a gate for reuniting us. A huge mistake I made.
After the date, which I rushed as fast I could I tried to call her several times. She was silent. As she said later, she went back to Giuseppe, despite a plan to meet with me for another wonderful night. I still feel bad about that day and I still see the blue car at the curb etched in my brain with her sad, crying eyes…
The days with Giuseppe turns out not good so well. I felt being more stress and worried the more time I spent with him.
I was having an argument with him and I couldn’t stay with his behavior. He was stressing me out, He started sensing that I’m having someone else, or I am going out with someone else. He becomes paranoid, possessive and jealousy eating his mind, I am choking with the relationship with him. I ran away after our fight, I left his place, and I ran to my apartment. I needed a time to be alone to rethink of the things.
In my bed, a lot of thoughts running in my head. I was happy accepting his ring but the environment is not healthy, his behavior was scary. On the other hand, I’m thinking of Mr. Grey. Why I miss him? Something is not right, I shouldn’t feel this way, but I have to clear my head. I need to see him again. I need to know if my feelings for him were still the same. I’m in relationship with Giuseppe but my thoughts are with Mr.Grey.
I sent Mr. Grey an sms telling him I want to meet. He agreed on specific time and place. I was there waiting on the couch waiting for him. I wasn’t in my best looking as I was stressed during the days and the argument with Giuseppe that morning.
Mr. Grey was right when he told me that the toxic relationship Giuseppe created for me will make me unhappy. Staring at Mr.Grey, I still felt exactly the same feeling when the first time We went out together. I’m loving the calm and positive aura every time I’m with him.
Despite of being so down that night he still encourages me with a lot of things, not to hate life but instead to move forward. I couldn’t tell him that I made a wrong decision of not choosing him, I wanted to tell him that I was thinking of him these last days, but I couldn’t! somehow I am stuck in the situation with Giuseppe as I promised to stay with him as he was injured.
Time ticking so fast, We never spent time that much as he was having an appointment so then we’ve decided to say goodbye. While heading to my car, he told that he was going for a date with someone else. I was hurt When I heard him saying it. Why? Why I am hurting? Tears where starting to build up in my eyes but I’m trying to hold it. Who am I to stop him from dating? Of course I dumped him few days back, he deserve to be happy and if dating someone else will make him move on, who am I to stop him. So, I offered to drop him off to their meeting place. I couldn’t focus driving as I started thinking I fucked up things with him, I couldn’t tell him to wait for me, let me drop Giuseppe and I will be with you. I couldn’t tell him don’t go for this date. All i know, from that moment, I am hurting but I have to support him the way he was supportive when I choose Giuseppe over him.
As he gets out from my car, as he walked away and waving goodbye, I then started to cry. I wanted him to comeback, I didn’t drive right away, I was waiting for sometime maybe he’ll change his mind. I was waiting and waiting But he’s gone, his fading in my eyesight, losing him made me really sad. I sent him a selfie of me crying. Somehow, Mr. Grey is gone, I was driving home crying, with feeling of regrets. I lost him!
I couldn’t cope the sadness I was feeling that night. So I went back to Giuseppe’s place, found him sleeping. I stayed in living room for sometime, to calm myself and control my emotions that night. I couldn’t stop crying, but Giuseppe woke up, He thought I was crying for the argument we had earlier, he was saying sorry and putting me on sleep. The sad truth, I was crying because I’m losing Mr. Grey.
[…] My first mistake […]