She is smart, very smart

This afternoon we exchanged few long messages. I tried to understand her, but my brain was not absorbing anything else. I got even more confused, after the replay for my long message I wrote last afternoon. In a calm way I explained myself and all my rational and probably irrational actions behind. I produced really beautiful, genuine and “true, only true, nothing but the true” piece of paper and sent it to her. She replied some time after with another long letter. I sent it my daughter once again, as it sounds completely different then the first one. Like two different people were writing it. As one came from Dr. Jekyll and the other from Mr. Hyde. There was nothing consistent between both of them, except they were referring to the same relation and break up. My daughter was also confused and suggested one of them was written under influence of Giuseppe, while the other was true. We concluded the later one has to be true as the first one referred to “US”, meaning she and him was composing it. Few weeks later I learned the opposite.

I replied with “Cherie, I can only ask you to return and take lesson of this. How fucked up it looks, obviously you and me have feelings. I have seen all the mistakes and i believe you did too. I’m bending my head and ask you for be with me and I will protect this relation until the end of my life.” I was now returning to the events of the night of 5/6 December that leaded to her departure. I have to admit that I made a mistake and was too quick with my actions. Remember, as soon she named Giuseppe’s name, I stared to pack her and she didn’t say a word since that until she was out of the door. Stupid me. What if it’s true? What if she really wanted to beg and ask for forgiveness? What if I was too hasty and instead of giving her time to talk and explain, I just kicked her out? All sort of questions started to build up in my head. After a while it get into my head, that I made a mistake by letting her go, instead of having patience. My intuition deceived me and that made me sad.

We got involved in further text exchange and she said, she was kicked out and didn’t know what to do with herself. If all she says is true, why she chooses to drive to Giuseppe, instead of staying somewhere else? Going to hotel, a friend or even stay in car few hours and rethink? Instead she drives away to Giuseppe direct, like previously she called him directly after accident back in October. Her explanations rise a hope within me, but how genuine are her explanations? How many times earlier she twisted things? I went to sleep and tried to understand what all this is about.